I couldn’t work out yesterday. I couldn’t work out today… I was sad but for the first time in ages I was sad but my depression wasn’t back.

It was something worse… more horrible… more …. just horrible.

I can barely bring myself to type it, but I must vent.

Yesterday on my way home from work, I found a child throwing a helpless, 2 week old kitten in the air, it’s limp body hitting the pavement. I saw it the first time and she managed to throw its limp body in the air one last time before I could run over and stop her.

The entire bus stop watched, uncaring, unshocked – more confused by my actions than anything else. As I picked up the cat, broken and limp in my hands, the little girl, barely 4 years old, shouted “it’s not yours!” in Chinese. I shouted back “And it’s not fucking yours!” I walked the cat away and found a ledge to set it down on. Despite my efforts to comfort it, stroking it’s tiny little frame, ten minutes later it passed away, lying with me on the side of the road.

China has no real laws against animal abuse and many of these “nongming ren” as we say, roughly translates to country-folk as well as city dwellers have little or no respect for animal life.

I placed his tiny frame amongst the bushes outside my house yesterday and today place flowers on its body so it may leave this world with some dignity.

I yelled, I cried and I told my two cats at home that I loved them but I will never forget watching that little cat flying through the air, the child so carefree, as though it were a rag doll she was playing with. And most of all, though there was no specific moment where it went from limp and unflinching to passed-on – I’ll never forget the moment I realised it was over. The moment I saw the eyes, unblinking, the chest now unmoving, and as I lifted his tiny body in my hand to place him in the bushes, how the body was now totally disconnected.

It was a cruel and unnecessary end to a very beautiful animal. Something I couldn’t un-see and something which has given my April Pledge some pause….

Now to save from the ammunition for racist rhetoric, while China does find a lot of people with little respect for animals, there are also some real heroes out there like my Shanghainese friend Anna who is on TV advocating animal adoption and who, herself, fosters up to 40 animals at a time in her flat while she finds them loving new homes.

Sorry this one has been a downer but this moment really affected me and I don’t see it passing from my memory any time soon…


A while ago I found on a fellow blogger’s site the phrase “Have Faith In The Process”

I’m very much into this now. I’m looking good but really not seeking MAJOR shifts (though the fat has started to melt off). I know I’m doing the right thing so I’m having faith int he process, following my plan and we’ll see where we are at a month from now.

In the meantime I tried out a new Pre Workout (1.M.R Vortex) and I can only say one thing. THIS IS NOT FOR BEGINNERS OR ANYONE WITH HEART ISSUES. I’ve seen loads of tubs say this about their product but this is the first time it really felt like “holy mother…..” as it started to set in.

Anyway for a progress pic 8 days into the April Pledge. We’ll see how we are doing 4 weeks from now! Might take another pic next week same-time if I have something to brag about haha.


April 4th – A Solid Start

Posted: April 4, 2014 in Uncategorized

Before I sign off for the week – thought I might show how I’m keeping on top of my schedule (both workout AND book)


Have a great weekend everyone!


So yesterday was a pretty rough day if I’m honest.

My core was still (and is still) so raw from the blitz I did on Tuesday with weighted sit ups, leg raises and 7 min drop-sets of weighted-crunches – so much so I actually felt ill all day. On top of this when I posted this on my facebook I got returns from people who I barely know giving me advice like “oh I got that when I first started”. I don’t know why that made me so irrationally angry – that some guy I barely talk to, is assuming in a rookie who “pushed too hard”. I mean, excuse me but f*** off! (See… very irrationally angry.)

As the day wore on, I found myself less and less inspired at work, despite the successes of April Pledge so far and the great progress I’ve been making in my book. The last 2 hours at work I got almost nothing done.

My Depression had come back.

Despite my hopes that April Pledge had somehow fixed this permanently, it was sadly just a stall and yesterday I felt debilitating sadness. I wanted to cry at my desk and tell my boss not to bother renewing my work contract because they were wasting their money on me… Then as I waited for my wife at the end of the day outside the train station I found myself being dragged further down by the numerous rabbit sellers. These are people who drive around with a cart on the back of their bikes filled with rabbits crushed into cages which they can’t move around in. People gawk, and when they want to buy, the seller yanks it out by its head.

I had to physically restrain myself from doing the same to the sellers… (sadly such is China…)

I got home and I just lay down on the bed, half way through undressing, staring at the ceiling. I didn’t want to work out… I wanted a gin and tonic. It was calling to me. Gin & Tonic and my Louie DVD’s – surely that would cheer me up?

Call it divine intervention or just my pride but a tiny voice in my head made me get changed into my workout gear and said “hey you don’t have to do back if you don’t want to buddy. Just do your favourite workout – Chest! That’ll cheer you up and it’s not been worked on this week yet so you won’t be risking injury.”

Well, the good news is – I did just that. I put out the bench, blasted my workout music (much to my cats’ dissatisfaction) and got a serious pump on, working my chest like hell. With the new bowflex, I was pumping out 6 reps of 140lbs (my new personal best!) I was so proud of myself and best of all. The only drink I had last night was a protein shake 🙂

The bad news is today is Friday, and while I’m seeing one of my best friends for my birthday dinner today is the —————–


🙂 Have a great weekend everyone and keep smiling 🙂

First the good news: my April Pledge month seems to be shaping up to be quite nice, I’ve got set exercises to no time is wasted wondering how to spend the next 6 minutes on that muscle and I’m really enjoying myself.

Also having this new drive in my life has a knock-on affect. I want to be more helpful around the house for my wife, doing ironing, washing dishes at 630 in the morning. I’m all round just feeling like a better person – coming out the tunnel of my recent bout of sloth and alcohol-dependence.

The bad news. For some reason, my Bruxism has returned (grinding teeth in your sleep) so my jaw hurts every morning and way more than the muscles I worked the day before. …weird.

But the really bad news. Yesterday was legs and core…. i now find myself walking around the office like a zombie with cerebral palsy…